Happy Collective Holiday Delusion!

In which there are Santa Claus Spoilers, so read at your risk.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!  

I recently sent some pictures of my six-year-old’s trip to the mall Santa Claus to my mother (I don’t post pics of my daughter anymore online but take it from me: This was peak cuteness) and she called me afterward to say, “Oh, she’s so pure. You know, you believed in Santa until you were at LEAST eight!” 

There was a loooong heart-in-throat moment before I replied.

Here’s the thing: we were VERY poor when I was young. Like “pick something out at Goodwill and we can see if we can afford it” poor. So I was acutely aware of bills and not being able to pay them from birth. One day in December when I was a snoopy little five-year-old, I’d spotted something at the top of my mom’s closet: A stuffed plain white bear called an “AG Bear”. Hmm. Toy in closet. “Hidden” from view. What’s up with that, parents?

Now, at that point I don’t think I was SURE that Santa wasn’t real? I just had this vague theory that it was weird a big bearded dude did THAT much traveling in one night. And I’d heard my parents talking about how stressed they were about money (which, frankly, always happened). So a plan started to form in my mind: If I asked Santa for this AG thing, then my mom wouldn’t have had to buy something for me for “Santa” and she could save money! This was gonna help! 

So I told my mom that day I wanted an AG Bear from Santa for Christmas. (For the record, I had no idea what that toy was. Never seen it before pilfering in her closet.) I remember she got a very strange look on her face, and said, “Okay?!” And life went on. And when that bear showed up a few weeks later on Christmas morning, I’d finally gotten proof: The myth was just that: Santa was fiction. 

Oh, and I got a CRAPPY toy, I mean that bear, WAS TERRIBLE. It just made weird Charlie Brown teacher sounds back at you when you talked to it!?! Also it had an ugly shirt on. I hated blue. And wasn’t even fun to cuddle with due to the crappy boxy voice box. Horrible POS gift that I later learned was intended for my brother! Buuuut I pretended to love it! Because in my mind, I’d maybe made it possible to pay the electric bill that month.

Honestly, I didn’t feel disappointed that Santa’s cover had been blown for five-year-old me. I just felt protective of my mom. I needed to pretend that I believed in Santa as long as I could. For her. So I kept the charade up for years. Clearly, at least three of them.

So on that call last week with her, instead of telling her the truth, I paused and simply said, “Yeah! I hope Calliope hangs on until she’s eight too.”

BUT WHY?! Why did I lie? I kept up the ruse, for HER?! She’s the old one! The irony!!!

I have some friends who decided never to lie to their kid. And told them straight up that Santa was not real, but that some families liked to pretend, and it’s important not to spoil the surprise for other kids. Yikes?! but cool philosophy! I can’t be that hardcore. But last year, when my kid was laying in bed next to me, and asked me, “Is Santa REALLY real, mama?” I had another heart-in-throat moment. Time paused and I had to, on a dime, decide how to approach something parental-big. Yuck.

She was five at the time, just like me when I’d first started poking around the myth. And I thought, “How would I have wanted this to be answered when I was her age?” So I took a deep breath and asked her, “Do YOU believe Santa is real?” And she paused and said, scoffing, “Well, magic isn’t real.” And I said, “Yeah, but it’s fun to pretend together, right?” And she took a beat and smiled and said, “Yes”. Then snuggled close. We didn’t say anything more. Just went to sleep.

Even though this year she MIGHT not 100% believe still, visiting Santa and Mrs. Claus at the mall, (BTW Mrs Claus knew WAY more about Pokemon when she was chatting with my kid that the dude in the suit, props to that actor!) my kid had that awestruck look of her face of pure trust and bliss the whole time. It was still a wonderful experience for her. Whew.

In the end, who is Santa for? The kids who still believes in magic, or the parents who want to create magic for their kiddos? 

Well, I’d say it’s for everyone. Any magic you can grab in life - Grab it. Pretend, play, celebrate. Because there’s never enough to go around.

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LAST MINUTE GIFT IDEAS:

-Tearunners is a monthly tea subscription service I adore. My friend Jewel Staite and her husband run it. She gives me free tea, but I buy it for people all the time as gifts.

-I love a good magazine. Not ONLY for the bathroom either! Two I most enjoy reading are How It Works which is full of great science, and Milk Street Magazine, a wonderful world-focused cooking magazine. 

-Third Eye is my Audible Original, seven hours of fantasy adventure for your ears! GREAT GIFT!!!! (As is a year subscription to Audible itself)

-Kiwi Crates are honestly awesome. My kid has gotten them for years. The Atlas crates about a different country every month is a big hit with her right now.

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HOLIDAY ANNOUNCEMENT

Heads up, on Tuesday, December 19th I will be doing a holiday charity stream for a wonderful Atlanta-based parrot charity Papaygo Rescue House! 7am-7pm PST on Twitch! I’ll be streaming bird-themed games and chatting with the residents of the rescue group, parrots, macaws and more! Join us for some jolly do-gooding!!! And if you can’t join, send them a few $$, it’s a deductible great cause! <3

Have a wonderful holiday, see you in 2024!

oxox

Felicia