Felicitations Newsletter #9

Sometimes you can make things TOO clean. (Help me.)

There’s a new video game called Powerwash Simulator that released on PC last week. It basically…well, it does with the name says. You wash things. But with power.

If you haven’t used a power washer in real life….WHOOO BOY. I’m not sure if I can describe the feeling when I first bought one last summer. Dare I say I felt…powerful? I ordered the thing because I was locked in the house with my toddler, we were under threat of a deadly virus, the whole year had been cancelled and I needed something in my life to infuse ORDER. And it worked! As soon I stood outside my house with that hose-gun-thingy in hand, I thought, “Let’s kick this filth in the TEETH!” When I finished peeling away the DEEP layer of bird poop in my garden fountain, I felt like I was wrestling back a bit of control in my life in a very out-of-control time. “TAKE THAT NUMBER 2! AND COVID-19 TOO!”

Also, it was just fun holding a weapon of sorts. I haven’t really gotten to channel that feeling outside the set of Supernatural.

I put a lot of work into this Photoshop image. Clearly. (You’re welcome.)

It definitely helped that last May, as I was watching Stephen Colbert interview Steve Carrel, that he totally mentioned loving his own power washer. I felt closer to him in that moment than any other time with a celebrity. (#oneofus) So basically, the power washer became the physical manifestation of my survival during Covid-19. Or something like that.

ANYWAY cut to almost present day, when I spent four hours last Friday night chatting with my friends Gary Whitta, Adam Nickerson and Ryan Copple, while powerwashing together in the Powerwash Simulator game. Watch the 4 hour clip if you want. Or don’t. Actually, please don’t. But it was fun. And also, it turns out….triggering.

That night, I dreamt of powerwashing. Every nook and cranny of the digital areas in the game. And THEN every nook and cranny of my own house. Basically my hippocampus drained the Pacific Ocean to clean virtual and non-virtual environments. And it didn’t stop there! The next day, in real life, I walked outside my house and thought, “WHERE DID ALL THIS DIRT COME FROM?!?! Oh, the garden. BUT ITS EVERYWHERE. INCLUDING THE DIRT. OMG THERE’S DIRT ON MY DIRT! THIS HOUSE IS UNLIVEABLE!” So I broke out the powerwasher from the shed and went to town.

I cleaned the driveway. I cleaned the car. I cleaned the walls and the windows. I ruined a bench because it was wood and something started peeling away and I didn’t realize that it wasn’t dirt I was destroying but the actual integrity of the bench so…I need a new bench now. At the end of the day I was covered in filth. But things were clean! And I was still not satisfied. BECAUSE THERE WAS STILL DIRT.

So I went inside my house. And I started cleaning. Not with the power washer, that would have been…difficult, but I swept. I mopped. I cleaned BASEBOARDS, people! I mean, take a look in your own houses one day, the bottom of your walls are filthy, I promise. I spent 9 hours cleaning. It was kind of like when you have someone about to visit, and you start seeing your world through another, more judgemental person’s eyes. For instance…your Mom’s.

No comment.

That night my Dad called and asked me what I wanted for my birthday, which is at the end of June. In any other moment, I would have chosen preeeetty much anything else. But here’s what I ask for and got:

This sweet-ass Dyson v8 stick vaccuum. It’s on sale right now, y’all! No referral link, but check it out. ITS PRETTY AMAZING. MY OFFICE IS SOoooooo CLEAN NOW.

Okay, sure it’s nice to have a clean environment, but the next day, Sunday, I STILL couldn’t turn off the impulse to clean! AUGH! I was like Marie Kondo in a Rambo outfit. NOTHING in my house could escape my dust cloth. Then, I took my kid to the park and, instead of enjoying the sunshine and trees and ducks, I STARTED PICKING UP TRASH Y’ALL. I couldn’t help it! I literally got a pair of rubber gloves out of my car and swept every nook and cranny of the Kenneth Hahn Park in Los Angeles, north of the pond in an approximate 10x15 foot area. Go there and take a look, it’s immaculate.

I will not make light of OCD because it’s not cool to casually throw around a term that refers to a real mental health issue that people struggle with. But I will say that it was disturbing that I literally couldn’t look at anything and NOT see dirt on it. Suffice it to say I will NOT be playing that game for 4 hour stints again, lol. Even now, I LONG to get back in there again and wipe up virtual dirt. Is this a problem? My therapist would say so. It kinda took my brain back to the times where I HAD to log into World of Warcraft to farm dreamfoil.

OMG I’m reverting back to pre-Guild days. What is HAPPENING?!

I’m not going to blame the game completely. I think there’s a part of me that’s a little overwhelmed with the world opening up and focusing on cleaning was/is a coping mechanism. My brain doesn’t want to let go of that grounded feeling I’ve found in doing little activities over the last year. Like baking. And writing. And spending time with my kid. And cleaning. And…more baking.

I’m not totally bummed by life returning to normal (whatever that is). I DO want to travel…maybe? I DO want to see friends in person…perhaps? But having actually “lived in the moment” for the first time in my life, I don’t want to let go of the ability to focus on what’s right in front of me, in order to try and aim for the (very fickle) stars again.

I think it’s temporary. My attitude is changing every day. I THINK I can have my powerwashing and “normal” stuff too. One hour I’m psyched to get a new email about a job, sometimes I want to crawl into a cave. But for now, I’ll keep my baseboards clean, in a more moderate way, and just take it one day at a time.

Basically I want to tell all of you to 1) Try powerwashing and 2) don’t let the little things disappear from your world because everyone’s trying to eat up your time again.

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INTERESTING LINKS:

• Weekly Recipe: Better than a Boyfriend Brownies. STUFF THEM IN YOUR FACE.

• I stumbled upon this 6 HOUR walking tour of Paris with captions and uh…I watched a lot of it?! Merde! But a great YouTube channel!

• Boss Fight Books is an imprint that publishes critical, non-fiction books on video games! Very cool deep-dives into worlds we love.

• Great article on how preparing and eating meals with others is a boost to mental health. See? Baking IS MENTALLY HEALTHY!

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PERSONAL LINKS (Also Interesting):

• My new Undressing The Witcher podcast is now UP! Please sub to the new feed! It’s on Spotify, iTunes, Google Play and a bunch of other places!

• I voice the very funny and snarky “Sorceress” in a cute indie game called Dungeons of Nahuelbeuk. The DLC with tons of new VO is out now! Pick it up on Steam or Epic! The game is also out on consoles June 24th!

• I played D&D with Gillian Jacobs and Diona Reasonover on their podcast “Periodic Talks”! Full play through can be listened to here.

• They announced I will be guesting on the new season of Owl House! Love the show!

• Check out my Twitch streaming schedule. As always, I stream 4x a week.

• Lastly, please subscribe to this newsletter so you get it in your inbox every week.

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See you in two weeks, and on my Discord channel in between for chatting and friendship! <3

oxox
Felicia