Hi Felicia! It hurts me to hear you’re dealing with confidence issues like these. I know you’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but you are one amazing woman, and not because you fit in a size 2 jeans (or size 4, or 6, or whatever). I look up to you because you OWN your geeky and nerdy side. I’m a size 8-10 (or 12, depending on the brand), and as much as this little voice in my head keeps telling me to lose weight, I don’t look up to women who are skinny for the sake of being skinny. I aspire to be like the ones that are happy and confident, unafraid (or afraid but brave enough) to show the world who they are, regardless of their size. Thank you for being one of those women and for inspiring me! Take care, Mieke
You're the best, Day. Yeah you're a very-attractive-movie-star-type-lady, but it's your brain and your heart that are the truly impressive bits. You keep being you.
This! It is so important to realise, that the person you see in the mirror is just the shell. The real person is inside, not necessarily visible in the pictures.
As for the fairy tales: all written by men. The princess films: mostly all written by men. I think we need a new angle in there....
I started following you when you played "Charlie". (My son, who is 38. knew who you were) I have one of your books, enjoyed it & I enjoyed this newsletter. I know I am a whole different generation than you but it doesn't change the image issues. My husband always made me feel beautiful, it was one of his many many gifts. He passed away in Dec (after 47 years of marriage) & I find myself becoming critical again. I don't want to do that................ thank you!
So, not about your newsletter, but rather your podcast. I simply love it. It's like listening to a friend catch me up on her life. I don't know what you get out of it, but as long as you keep posting, I'll keep listening. And honestly, it's why we listen less when you have a guest, just because we get less of what's going on in your life.
I'll use the "less time with my kids" excuse to continue not going to the gym, thank you. It's a lot more fun doing things with my kids (including exercising) than working out at a gym.
Some days I look at my belly and think, oh man, this extra flab is never going away. And then my 5 year old (who has met you at a book signing when she was 6 months old btw 😊) grabs my flab and says "Mommy, I love your squishy belly." 🤣 And then I remember, I am the way I am because I brought life into this world. My stretch marks are battle scars. 32 year old me don't need to strive to look like 22 year old me, because I have had so many more experiences over the years that have made me what I am. And then I play Woman by Kesha or literally any song by Lizzo because when in doubt, dance it out. And one last thing, I stopped plucking my eyebrows and started getting them threaded and my brow game had never been so on point! It's life changing.
My extra 10 Covid pounds are destroying me right now, as is my depression. The worst is that my 12 year-old daughter is still home for virtual school and sees all of my self-hatred. I am going to share what you wrote with her and re-read it myself in hopes of breaking my self-bludgeoning cycle. I keep trying to tell myself that my new size 10 pants mean I'm a perfect ten. Not working so far, but I'll keep trying. Thank you for being awesome!
The "State-Puff" marshmallow man? I think you meant Stay Puft? Not sure if that was intentional.
You still continue to be a favorite writer of mine. I was talking to a friend about how in nature, the males of many species are the ones that are brightly colored and/or have to really outdo themselves to attract a mate. With humans it seems to be women that have to put in the extra effort. Not that I want a guy to suddenly sprout peacock-like plumage from his backside and start strutting around (...or do I?)
I'd suggest continuing to make cupcakes but not eat them, but who actually does that?? I envy someone with that kind of willpower.
Hi, Felicia. Speaking as a Southern Mom and Grandma I say There is nothing wrong with you. I met you at the New Mexico Comic Expo 2 years ago (I have the picture to prove it😁) . That day I was looking forward to meeting you and chatting. Just before it was time for our photo shoot, something happened to dampen the day. When it was my photo time, we greeted one another and posed. As I turned to leave you said, "You look very nice." That stopped me and I turned around and said, "Thank you." Without even knowing it you made me feel better. There is no way you are NOT going to raise Calliope with a great self image.
I’m 43 and I’ve just started unraveling the lifelong programming of beauty. I also have a daughter—she’s 5 and she asks questions like, “why can’t I go shirtless like the boys?” Patriarchy, honey, is all I can answer. She’s very interested in makeup, too and I know it’s because she sees me getting “ready” to hit the supermarket like the proper MILF I am. Heaven forbid someone sees me in public wearing my natural face! *sigh*. It’s all such a sham. Now, let me just say, I was bullied throughout my school years for being “ugly”, “weird”, and first and foremost a “nerd” (air quotes galore). So my quest for beauty has been riddled with multiple levels of anxiety. But as I get older I’ve started to ask myself why? Why do I need to be smaller? Why do I need to wear makeup? Why do I look in the mirror and the first thing I think is something disapproving and not hey, there I am, she’s alright! WHY WHY WHY? I went to a lake recently and saw someone who had to be a size 0 likely by choice, and I thought, is that what I want? Do I want to miss ice cream truck time with my kids, or banana bread when the bananas get all squishy, or pool time because I’m anxious about my butt flaps? I’m highly empathetic and way too self analytical so my brain tells me what other people think about me is more important than what I think about me, and society is sending mega waves of disapproval my way. I’m over 40. I’m a size 10. I walk for pleasure but not to be fit. I eat meatless for the most part, but not religiously. Not Keto. Not Mediterranean. Sometimes it’s Mac and cheese and a pickle. I’m completely depressed and creatively stunted. I’m a mess and I’m on a mission to discover why. Dropping this beauty BS is just the start. An important start! The most frustrating part for me is when I get on social media, lament about all this and all I get is “oh you look great” blahety blah. Thanks, but that’s not what I’m looking for here. What I want is to gather other lamenters who are also angry and want to talk about deprogramming methods, ya know? So I feel your post. One jelly belly to another—beauty standards are stupid. Fist bump in solidarity 👊
I'm not overweight by a long shot. Some people consider me skinny but the secret reality is that I still get lines on my stomach where it rolls, the only thing close to a workout it gets is period cramps (tbh still amazed I haven't got a 6 pack from that) and I bloat like crazy and get the occasional muffin top. The thing is, that's fine. It's what my body looks like and it's healthy. This might sound weird but I took my girlfriend to a strip club. She was feeling insecure about her body so I took her to a place where she could see all body types can be sexy. It's why I like getting changed at swimming pools, you get to see everyone's real bodies and realize that it doesn't need to define anyone. Hope you're feeling better and more secure in yourself. Body image is hard but it's even harder when you're struggling with anxiety and depression because it's easier to convince yourself that's not happening as long as you can look like someone who isn't struggling with anxiety and depression.
Hi Felicia! It hurts me to hear you’re dealing with confidence issues like these. I know you’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but you are one amazing woman, and not because you fit in a size 2 jeans (or size 4, or 6, or whatever). I look up to you because you OWN your geeky and nerdy side. I’m a size 8-10 (or 12, depending on the brand), and as much as this little voice in my head keeps telling me to lose weight, I don’t look up to women who are skinny for the sake of being skinny. I aspire to be like the ones that are happy and confident, unafraid (or afraid but brave enough) to show the world who they are, regardless of their size. Thank you for being one of those women and for inspiring me! Take care, Mieke
You're the best, Day. Yeah you're a very-attractive-movie-star-type-lady, but it's your brain and your heart that are the truly impressive bits. You keep being you.
<3 my Hero <3 Thank you for putting into words what I've been thinking lately.
This! It is so important to realise, that the person you see in the mirror is just the shell. The real person is inside, not necessarily visible in the pictures.
As for the fairy tales: all written by men. The princess films: mostly all written by men. I think we need a new angle in there....
I started following you when you played "Charlie". (My son, who is 38. knew who you were) I have one of your books, enjoyed it & I enjoyed this newsletter. I know I am a whole different generation than you but it doesn't change the image issues. My husband always made me feel beautiful, it was one of his many many gifts. He passed away in Dec (after 47 years of marriage) & I find myself becoming critical again. I don't want to do that................ thank you!
So, not about your newsletter, but rather your podcast. I simply love it. It's like listening to a friend catch me up on her life. I don't know what you get out of it, but as long as you keep posting, I'll keep listening. And honestly, it's why we listen less when you have a guest, just because we get less of what's going on in your life.
I'll use the "less time with my kids" excuse to continue not going to the gym, thank you. It's a lot more fun doing things with my kids (including exercising) than working out at a gym.
Some days I look at my belly and think, oh man, this extra flab is never going away. And then my 5 year old (who has met you at a book signing when she was 6 months old btw 😊) grabs my flab and says "Mommy, I love your squishy belly." 🤣 And then I remember, I am the way I am because I brought life into this world. My stretch marks are battle scars. 32 year old me don't need to strive to look like 22 year old me, because I have had so many more experiences over the years that have made me what I am. And then I play Woman by Kesha or literally any song by Lizzo because when in doubt, dance it out. And one last thing, I stopped plucking my eyebrows and started getting them threaded and my brow game had never been so on point! It's life changing.
My extra 10 Covid pounds are destroying me right now, as is my depression. The worst is that my 12 year-old daughter is still home for virtual school and sees all of my self-hatred. I am going to share what you wrote with her and re-read it myself in hopes of breaking my self-bludgeoning cycle. I keep trying to tell myself that my new size 10 pants mean I'm a perfect ten. Not working so far, but I'll keep trying. Thank you for being awesome!
The "State-Puff" marshmallow man? I think you meant Stay Puft? Not sure if that was intentional.
You still continue to be a favorite writer of mine. I was talking to a friend about how in nature, the males of many species are the ones that are brightly colored and/or have to really outdo themselves to attract a mate. With humans it seems to be women that have to put in the extra effort. Not that I want a guy to suddenly sprout peacock-like plumage from his backside and start strutting around (...or do I?)
I'd suggest continuing to make cupcakes but not eat them, but who actually does that?? I envy someone with that kind of willpower.
Your belly button looks like mine... ♥
Slow clap, with the expectation that it's going to spread with enthusiasm. The non-sarcastic kind
and just one weird thing
Your belly button needs to say "I peeench! I peeench!" -as you skoosh that skooshable grabhold.
I love cupcakes.
Felicia. To also be from Alabama, the Beautiful. I will just say that you're one of the reasons it is.
Hi, Felicia. Speaking as a Southern Mom and Grandma I say There is nothing wrong with you. I met you at the New Mexico Comic Expo 2 years ago (I have the picture to prove it😁) . That day I was looking forward to meeting you and chatting. Just before it was time for our photo shoot, something happened to dampen the day. When it was my photo time, we greeted one another and posed. As I turned to leave you said, "You look very nice." That stopped me and I turned around and said, "Thank you." Without even knowing it you made me feel better. There is no way you are NOT going to raise Calliope with a great self image.
I’m 43 and I’ve just started unraveling the lifelong programming of beauty. I also have a daughter—she’s 5 and she asks questions like, “why can’t I go shirtless like the boys?” Patriarchy, honey, is all I can answer. She’s very interested in makeup, too and I know it’s because she sees me getting “ready” to hit the supermarket like the proper MILF I am. Heaven forbid someone sees me in public wearing my natural face! *sigh*. It’s all such a sham. Now, let me just say, I was bullied throughout my school years for being “ugly”, “weird”, and first and foremost a “nerd” (air quotes galore). So my quest for beauty has been riddled with multiple levels of anxiety. But as I get older I’ve started to ask myself why? Why do I need to be smaller? Why do I need to wear makeup? Why do I look in the mirror and the first thing I think is something disapproving and not hey, there I am, she’s alright! WHY WHY WHY? I went to a lake recently and saw someone who had to be a size 0 likely by choice, and I thought, is that what I want? Do I want to miss ice cream truck time with my kids, or banana bread when the bananas get all squishy, or pool time because I’m anxious about my butt flaps? I’m highly empathetic and way too self analytical so my brain tells me what other people think about me is more important than what I think about me, and society is sending mega waves of disapproval my way. I’m over 40. I’m a size 10. I walk for pleasure but not to be fit. I eat meatless for the most part, but not religiously. Not Keto. Not Mediterranean. Sometimes it’s Mac and cheese and a pickle. I’m completely depressed and creatively stunted. I’m a mess and I’m on a mission to discover why. Dropping this beauty BS is just the start. An important start! The most frustrating part for me is when I get on social media, lament about all this and all I get is “oh you look great” blahety blah. Thanks, but that’s not what I’m looking for here. What I want is to gather other lamenters who are also angry and want to talk about deprogramming methods, ya know? So I feel your post. One jelly belly to another—beauty standards are stupid. Fist bump in solidarity 👊
....sorry. XD
I'm not overweight by a long shot. Some people consider me skinny but the secret reality is that I still get lines on my stomach where it rolls, the only thing close to a workout it gets is period cramps (tbh still amazed I haven't got a 6 pack from that) and I bloat like crazy and get the occasional muffin top. The thing is, that's fine. It's what my body looks like and it's healthy. This might sound weird but I took my girlfriend to a strip club. She was feeling insecure about her body so I took her to a place where she could see all body types can be sexy. It's why I like getting changed at swimming pools, you get to see everyone's real bodies and realize that it doesn't need to define anyone. Hope you're feeling better and more secure in yourself. Body image is hard but it's even harder when you're struggling with anxiety and depression because it's easier to convince yourself that's not happening as long as you can look like someone who isn't struggling with anxiety and depression.