As someone who has many illnesses which will take life long medication. Bipolar, ptsd, anxiety disorder, MS.. my pseudo tumor cerbri required a shunt in my brain so 1 med removed. I know it can be trying. Brain chemistry is complex and there is nothing wrong with needing help. Its mental health stigma that makes us feel like its a bad thing. Thank you for being open about your journey but try to be kind to yourself and your needs.
I was very excited to order that t-shirt.
Also thank you from someone who is immunocompromised for blasting out there your vaccination photo.
Wish you the best with comicon and enjoy that bidet.
I have had lifelong depression and anxiety, and have used medications on and off over the years. I always felt like there was supposed to be a point where I didn't need them; that I would be cured or something. Well, my brain just isn't wired that way. I will probably be on some cocktail or another for the rest of my life and that's okay. If that's what keeps me on an even keel, so be it. I feel like that acceptance is important. Not all mental health problems can be cured. They are not necessarily temporary; even with lots of therapy they may never go away. That doesn't make me any less valuable of a person.
If meds help, who cares! Take them. Our brains are full of chemical imbalances, and if you found something that works, do it. Be kind to yourself. Also, my 6 year old has slept with me since she was too big for a bassinet - which was about 6 months. It kept me sane knowing I could reach over and touch her (I kept my pregnancy pillow to create a safe space) and I she's doesn't even care at 6. If you have space, it may help to just have the kiddo in your bed. I sleep much better and the bonding and extra love and snuggles that happen don't hurt. <3 No point in separating us from our kids. She has slept 8+ hours since 6 months old also -- that is partially from hitting the kid-sleeping jackpot (10 pm to 8 am).
You're awesome & I love you & your so very honest newsletters. (And now I'm thinking when I finally move out of this apartment, I might need to be getting a bidet...)
I've been on Lexapro for a year and it has literally been a lifesaver. Also, it's so refreshing and encouraging to read about your struggles with life. We all struggle but we all think we're alone. Thank you for the courage to share and encourage others.
I have been on anti anxiety meds a few times throughout my life. Ironically, I came off of them in 2019 and then 2020 happened. My PCP and I discussed it and I went back on them, but a different one this time - the last one made it hard to play video games as I would get nauseous a lot from the movement. I find they are a tool that is useful for me when things are off the charts out of control. I can handle a certain amount of chaos sans medication (actually a great deal, but 2020 just sucked), but when you reach a tipping point, there is no need to suffer. That is why they exist. Whether you are on them for 2 years or 10 - it doesn't matter. I am happy you have found something to help you enjoy life and your time with your daughter!
I took lexapro until I tried to get pregnant years ago. It wasn't until after I had my first kids (twins, they're 4 now) that I realized how much it helped me, and how much of that "gosh, Kim, you're really good with kids, and you'll make a great mom!" was from the lexapro. I'm so glad you found something to help with the anxiety! I finally went to the doctor last month about my anxiety, because it's not fair for my boys to have to live with the fallout of my anxiety. After the doctor started me on a new med last month, I slept all day the first day, and I had never realized it was anxiety keeping me awake. (That example you mentioned about forgetting words, I've been dealing with that for years now! It's awful, and I somehow never connected it with the insomnia.) I was a 8-10 hours of sleep a night person, too, and I still bed share with my boys, so it's not exactly easy to stay asleep with an active sleeper on each side of me ...I mean, I could've written half this! Lol
My husband keeps urging caution with prescription drugs because of potential supply issues in the future, which is part of why I didn't go to the doctor sooner for the anxiety issues. Other than that, I think if a medication improves quality of life, then why not use it??
I take anti anxiety meds and have done for years. Many people around me (some who also take medication) keep urging me to lower my dose and try to come off of them because they are strong drugs and I’m still young. However, I know that I am finally feeling like a human. I am no longer an anxious mess who has a breakdown when a bird flies from a tree, I can work and have the normal range of emotions like other people. It might be a strong drug and maybe one day I will start the process of lowering my dosage. But right now my brain needs this drug to function at its best and that’s all right with me. Other people can say and think what they want, but it’s not their brain that needs a little help.
I think there is a bit of habit to call antidepressants "addictive" at the moment. But in truth they're not in the traditional sense. They don't make you 'high' and they don't lead to drug seeking behaviour. Yes they can help things feel more normal, but then so do diabetes meds for people with diabetes. Personally I've been very slowly saving a few grams off my Celexa prescription for a year, but I don't know whether it really makes any difference.
Weaning yourself off SSRIs is very tricky. Reducing dosage by mgs strikes me as too drastic. I've heard of folks opening their capsules and removing 1-2 little grains of medication 💊 at a time to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately, many doctors have very little training or experience in tapering their patients off this class of medications...
Remember: You're always stronger than you think. We all are. You'll get through this, and you have a small person who will be by your side, backing you up, looking up to you. You'll get through your problems for HER sake because there's no way in hell you'll let her down.
Wow! 💜 Thank you for sharing these thoughts. It's such a hard thing for many to come to terms with. Meds for life. It sucks but, you are right on it being better that your "Glass animal" (an analogy which I really loved and related to!) I struggled with postpardum depression and anxiety after my second was born in 2014.
I still struggle with finding the right meds and there have been so many ups and downs. And I too have been told it could be hormones. I'm being told PMDD right now. Rage, anxiety, brain fog, fatigue. Now I get to add SVTs to the list of fun! But all in all, you have to do what works best for you to live your life and enjoy it.
I also have ADHD and fully understand the whole "I'm more creative without the meds" thing. That's one of the hardest parts for me. 😔 Art is life for me. But I really have to push hard these days to find that joy in it. (Part of why I Gish! It forces me to face those things and push out of that fog a bit!) I have recently started painting again. Just following youtube tutorials, but it's something at least so my creativity doesn't atrophy completely! And in the mean time learning with my kids better emotional distress tolerance and coping techniques. And hoping more answers come in time.
Here's to crazy brains! 🤪 🍻 (they need to make one of these "cheers" emojis with like, bubble teas, or, juice boxes, or something *lol* )
And remember, as The Latest Kate says, "You've been doing a great job considering all you've been up against." Also "NO self-hate, you're too cute for the shit." 😉
As someone who has many illnesses which will take life long medication. Bipolar, ptsd, anxiety disorder, MS.. my pseudo tumor cerbri required a shunt in my brain so 1 med removed. I know it can be trying. Brain chemistry is complex and there is nothing wrong with needing help. Its mental health stigma that makes us feel like its a bad thing. Thank you for being open about your journey but try to be kind to yourself and your needs.
I was very excited to order that t-shirt.
Also thank you from someone who is immunocompromised for blasting out there your vaccination photo.
Wish you the best with comicon and enjoy that bidet.
I have had lifelong depression and anxiety, and have used medications on and off over the years. I always felt like there was supposed to be a point where I didn't need them; that I would be cured or something. Well, my brain just isn't wired that way. I will probably be on some cocktail or another for the rest of my life and that's okay. If that's what keeps me on an even keel, so be it. I feel like that acceptance is important. Not all mental health problems can be cured. They are not necessarily temporary; even with lots of therapy they may never go away. That doesn't make me any less valuable of a person.
If meds help, who cares! Take them. Our brains are full of chemical imbalances, and if you found something that works, do it. Be kind to yourself. Also, my 6 year old has slept with me since she was too big for a bassinet - which was about 6 months. It kept me sane knowing I could reach over and touch her (I kept my pregnancy pillow to create a safe space) and I she's doesn't even care at 6. If you have space, it may help to just have the kiddo in your bed. I sleep much better and the bonding and extra love and snuggles that happen don't hurt. <3 No point in separating us from our kids. She has slept 8+ hours since 6 months old also -- that is partially from hitting the kid-sleeping jackpot (10 pm to 8 am).
You're awesome & I love you & your so very honest newsletters. (And now I'm thinking when I finally move out of this apartment, I might need to be getting a bidet...)
You don't have to stop taking meds if they keep you sane, but if you do, it really requires a support team. I related so hard to your experience. ❤️
I bought a bidet to help with my mobility issues. So much YAY for the bidet. ( see what i did there?) im a dork
I've been on Lexapro for a year and it has literally been a lifesaver. Also, it's so refreshing and encouraging to read about your struggles with life. We all struggle but we all think we're alone. Thank you for the courage to share and encourage others.
I have been on anti anxiety meds a few times throughout my life. Ironically, I came off of them in 2019 and then 2020 happened. My PCP and I discussed it and I went back on them, but a different one this time - the last one made it hard to play video games as I would get nauseous a lot from the movement. I find they are a tool that is useful for me when things are off the charts out of control. I can handle a certain amount of chaos sans medication (actually a great deal, but 2020 just sucked), but when you reach a tipping point, there is no need to suffer. That is why they exist. Whether you are on them for 2 years or 10 - it doesn't matter. I am happy you have found something to help you enjoy life and your time with your daughter!
Have you ever been tested for ADD? I was diagnosed at 40 and my whole life finally made sense.
I took lexapro until I tried to get pregnant years ago. It wasn't until after I had my first kids (twins, they're 4 now) that I realized how much it helped me, and how much of that "gosh, Kim, you're really good with kids, and you'll make a great mom!" was from the lexapro. I'm so glad you found something to help with the anxiety! I finally went to the doctor last month about my anxiety, because it's not fair for my boys to have to live with the fallout of my anxiety. After the doctor started me on a new med last month, I slept all day the first day, and I had never realized it was anxiety keeping me awake. (That example you mentioned about forgetting words, I've been dealing with that for years now! It's awful, and I somehow never connected it with the insomnia.) I was a 8-10 hours of sleep a night person, too, and I still bed share with my boys, so it's not exactly easy to stay asleep with an active sleeper on each side of me ...I mean, I could've written half this! Lol
My husband keeps urging caution with prescription drugs because of potential supply issues in the future, which is part of why I didn't go to the doctor sooner for the anxiety issues. Other than that, I think if a medication improves quality of life, then why not use it??
I take anti anxiety meds and have done for years. Many people around me (some who also take medication) keep urging me to lower my dose and try to come off of them because they are strong drugs and I’m still young. However, I know that I am finally feeling like a human. I am no longer an anxious mess who has a breakdown when a bird flies from a tree, I can work and have the normal range of emotions like other people. It might be a strong drug and maybe one day I will start the process of lowering my dosage. But right now my brain needs this drug to function at its best and that’s all right with me. Other people can say and think what they want, but it’s not their brain that needs a little help.
I think there is a bit of habit to call antidepressants "addictive" at the moment. But in truth they're not in the traditional sense. They don't make you 'high' and they don't lead to drug seeking behaviour. Yes they can help things feel more normal, but then so do diabetes meds for people with diabetes. Personally I've been very slowly saving a few grams off my Celexa prescription for a year, but I don't know whether it really makes any difference.
As my physician told me, your brain is chemical, and these will help balance them. Take the meds. Life is too short, suffer not.
Weaning yourself off SSRIs is very tricky. Reducing dosage by mgs strikes me as too drastic. I've heard of folks opening their capsules and removing 1-2 little grains of medication 💊 at a time to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately, many doctors have very little training or experience in tapering their patients off this class of medications...
Remember: You're always stronger than you think. We all are. You'll get through this, and you have a small person who will be by your side, backing you up, looking up to you. You'll get through your problems for HER sake because there's no way in hell you'll let her down.
Wow! 💜 Thank you for sharing these thoughts. It's such a hard thing for many to come to terms with. Meds for life. It sucks but, you are right on it being better that your "Glass animal" (an analogy which I really loved and related to!) I struggled with postpardum depression and anxiety after my second was born in 2014.
I still struggle with finding the right meds and there have been so many ups and downs. And I too have been told it could be hormones. I'm being told PMDD right now. Rage, anxiety, brain fog, fatigue. Now I get to add SVTs to the list of fun! But all in all, you have to do what works best for you to live your life and enjoy it.
I also have ADHD and fully understand the whole "I'm more creative without the meds" thing. That's one of the hardest parts for me. 😔 Art is life for me. But I really have to push hard these days to find that joy in it. (Part of why I Gish! It forces me to face those things and push out of that fog a bit!) I have recently started painting again. Just following youtube tutorials, but it's something at least so my creativity doesn't atrophy completely! And in the mean time learning with my kids better emotional distress tolerance and coping techniques. And hoping more answers come in time.
Here's to crazy brains! 🤪 🍻 (they need to make one of these "cheers" emojis with like, bubble teas, or, juice boxes, or something *lol* )
And remember, as The Latest Kate says, "You've been doing a great job considering all you've been up against." Also "NO self-hate, you're too cute for the shit." 😉