Felicitations #14
So, Gaming...is it a good or bad thing?
My 4-year-old used her first video game controller last week. By herself. It was such a proud mama moment, like when she first walked, but you know…cooler? We played Mario Kart and she even beat me once. (For the record I was distracted showing her how to play. I totally could’ve won if I was paying attention. For the record.) But the joy in my daughter’s eyes after kicking my ass was incredible to see. I was so happy! And then I though…hold up, Felicia.
Do you actually WANT her to be a gamer?
I know, this is wild for me to bring up. Gamer Girl/Woman/Female personality of the 2010’s, lol. But everything I expose my kid to has the chance to change who she is, and possibly the trajectory of her life, which then she might blame on me in therapy in 10-20 years (which I will probably pay for), so obsessive self-consciousness in this area doesn’t seem unwarranted.
In my teens, I could’ve easily spend eight hours of a Saturday on a video game. I mean, I definitely did. And a Sunday. And a Monday annnnd…you get the idea. But I was homeschooled and had tons of time to burn. She won’t have that kind of time if (and when) I send her to be properly socialized so she doesn’t develop an anxiety disorder, like her dear ol’ mama. And the thought of my daughter binge-gaming all her spare hours away instead of practicing something useful, like oboe or some crap, is genuinely upsetting to me. I mean, I’m not turning full-Karen (hopefully) but my priority is that she become the best person she can become. And I don’t know if that includes using her entire formative years to kill zombies or arrange RPG inventory. So yeah, maybe I’m becoming Karen-lite. But time is precious! And the window for “getting good” at stuff is narrow. And that oboe or “some crap” won’t practice itself.
Being a gamer also means setting her on a path to be a bit of an outsider. Which can be lonely at times. I know that more little girls play video games nowadays, so she wouldn’t be THAT ostracized as she gets older due to peer pressure (hopefully), but it could be a factor. I was so hurt by being rejected due to my weirdness early on, it chafes that I might be putting her in that position. Or ever having to justify her gaming abilities to gatekeeping little boys. That would make me so mad I’d call a parent-teacher conference that literally no one would support.
And then, there’s the whole “gamer parent” of it all. For the past month I’ve been going on school tours for her Kindergarten, and at one fancy private school I forgot to change beforehand and accidentally wore a Mario shirt. The teacher looked at me like I pooped on the swing set. So…it’s not a MAINSTREAM thing. Is my kid going to be embarrassed of me one day because I refuse to be like other moms and wear flats and logo-free tee shirts? (Sadly, LAN parties are few and far between at PTA meetings.) So…yeah. More than a touch of loneliness probably comes with the territory. I’ve accepted that, but does she have to?
Long, whiney story short, I’d love for my kid to share this hobby with me, but I don’t want to make her do it out of guilt or pressure. Or push her so much that at age eleven she decides to become a jock and go to soccer practice and GOD FORBID I have to go outside to observe her in a team sport. *shudder* #nightmarefuel
So when I’d almost talked myself out of gaming with her on a regular basis, “Let’s do chess instead, that’s good for the brain!” I stopped, gave myself a mental slap and said: “Shut up, Felicia. Who says that being a gamer HASN’T made you the most awesome, best person you can be?!”
On a basic level, gaming made me learn early-on that doing something over and over again will make you better at it. JUST LIKE THE OBOE. I’ve met some of my best friends through bonding over Ultima and Diablo and Skyrim, and later through WOW and The Guild. Socialization? CHECK! During college, I had way more fun playing Tank on my boyfriend’s retro Atari 600 than making out with him, which KINDA was a good thing. (At least, in my mom’s eyes.) And who knows what Tetris has done for my packing skills. I’m the only person I know who’s done 2 weeks of travel with a single carry on and a FANNY PACK. Those abilities had to come from somewhere!
Okay, yes, I have to admit, there ARE moments in my life when gaming has brought out the worst in me. Like when I tried to escape the real-life agonies of my acting career by playing WOW six hours a day (see biography). And a few weeks back when a group of seven of us spent around 67 minutes dying 156 times trying to finish the last level of a “cooperative” game called Pico Park. At one point I literally screamed, “I hate all of you!! Especially me!”
(Start the video at 3:42 to watch the agony. Or don’t if you want to keep your good opinion of me.)
But overall, I’m not a griefer, troll or bully, IRL or online for having spent a lot of my youth gaming. I’m not lazy, and I’m pretty good at a few things, because of gaming, and despite gaming. And I can’t help that my love of games is something, selfishly, I want to share with her. I have dreams of being a DM for her and her 10-year-old friends one day. I want to play co-op games with her on the couch, and legitimately watch her own my ass in Fall Guys (or whatever the equivalent game will be in ten years, probably holograms.)
So after overthinking my thoughts to death, I asked myself again:
Do you actually WANT her to be a gamer?
Yes. Yes, I do.
So I’ve decided to set a timer for playing 30 minutes every night (probably ending up at 45). We’ll play TOGETHER and then throw in oboe or “some crap” practice on the regular before bed. As she grows up, we’ll play through every Nintendo game ever, then move onto Minecraft, and then to something more aggro where we kill virtual boars together, and every step of the way she can decide whether gaming is for her or not. No parental pressure! When she’s a teenager, I’m sure she’ll decide it’s NOT for her because I love it so much. But I have hopes that, eventually, when she outgrows her rebellious “I hate mom” stage (sob!), she’ll want to sit down as an adult and play a game of Catan with me. And I will savor the hell out of it.
And hog all the stone, natch.
NEWSLETTER SHOUTOUTS!
I’ll probably do a whole dedicated newsletter to my new venture, GEEX soon, but until then, I want to do shoutouts to those in the community who decided to support this newsletter over there and help keep it free of charge for everyone. There will be more opps in the future to get a shoutout, stay tuned! (And going forward, I’ll only do 5 shoutouts an issue, sorry!) Infinite thanks to:
MST3kTemple
Cleavesmill
DragonPoking
LeePT: Nerd based Personal Trainer at skilltreefitness
The Bunneah Brigade
w3r3wolv3s
Fred Hill
Jet Jaguar
Geek Father Scott
And All Been Done Radio Hour, a scripted, modern, geeky comedy podcast in the style of old-timey radio serials performed LIVE in front of an audience!
INTERESTING LINKS:
RECIPE OF THE WEEK: I’ve posted creepy pics of my spatchcock’d chickens before, but you haven’t eaten good roast chicken until you’ve made it this way. Make sure to separate the skin and rub olive oil and salt between there too!
Here’s a great article on Sid Meier, who came up with the game Civilization. Def wanna pick up his new auto-biography too.
This Life Stats mini-game-ish thing made me feel WAY too mortal. Plug in your birthday and join in some existential angst!
Scientists used an AI to finish Beethoven’s 10th symphony. Can I hand them a few of my half-done screenplays to polish off, please?
You guys know how I’m obsessed with credit card points lately. So this list of the cheapest 5 star hotels in the world got me dreaming for 2022!
PERSONAL LINKS (Also Interesting):
Undressing The Witcher has a new podcast up. Learn what animals Tom Lenk won’t date the owners of. Next ep will be up next week, wrapping up Season 1!
Voyage to the Stars, my improv comedy sci-fi podcast is still releasing season 3 episodes. Great guest stars abound!
Yes, I have my own creator coin now, GEEX. It’s a fun way to play in web 3.0 tech and build community in a new way. And it doesn’t eat up any more energy than a website does. If you want more info on it read here!
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See you in two weeks, and on my Discord channel in between for chatting and friendship! <3
oxox
Felicia
As a fellow female gamer, I’m honored to welcome your kiddo to our ranks. And as someone whose entire “I hate my mom” stage lasted for less than two weeks, maybe offer a little weight to the side of the scale where maybe you don’t worry so much that she’ll abandon gaming forever just because you love it. My mom and I bonded over reading - and even for those 2 long weeks of hating my mom, I kept reading. And I spent two days telling her about all the books I’d read once I got over my teenage ego. 💖
This feels familiar. I had many of the same thoughts when my daughter was little. She started playing Minecraft on the iPad when she was 2. She played her first game of Catan at 4. Now at 9, she DMs her own D&D games with friends. She is homeschooled (in LA), and has a lot of friends. She is kind, loves learning, and others have described her as enchanting. I decided to release my expectations of what she will be, and let her show me who she wants to be, while I support her. Who she is (and what she enjoys) is so much more interesting than anything I could have imagined. Gamers are doing something right!